For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
You know that feeling all too well. You could be at the peak of your day, surrounded by friends, the sun is shining, but something is just not right. It is an uncomfortable feeling in your mind, as well as in the pit of your stomach, making you want to leave and hide away somewhere quiet and dark. Your thoughts consume you, and they are wrecking you from the inside out. No one can see it happening, and chances are they will never know how you truly feel if you fake a smile and pretend everything is alright. This is why I want to share my story with you because faking happiness and mental clarity to avoid stigma is no way to live.
That is what mental illness looked like for me. It was not that long ago I was in a very dark space, and it started when my dreams of becoming a mother to a beautiful baby came crashing down. The moment my miscarriage took place, a part of me changed forever. Not only did I lose my baby, but I also lost my boyfriend at the same time, leaving me entirely shattered. I was lost, and I had no clue what to do next. So, I did the only thing I could think of to relieve the pain, and that was to write.
I wrote day and night nonstop. With each word I typed, I felt a piece of me coming back, and it created a voice in my head telling me that I can make something out of this tragedy. In just six days, I wrote my book called “Can A Girl Catch A Break?” Then thirty days after that, it was published. This became my new baby, something to look forward to and nourish. From there, I expanded to open my own online store, mixing my love for fashion with the goal of giving women a break once in a while from their hardships. Though nothing can replace the devastating experiences that I had to face, I realized that I could grow from them and use it to find my purpose in life, and that is to help others.
I will be honest; I still feel utterly depressed and debilitated sometimes, which inevitably affects my personal and professional life sometimes. Mental illness such as depression provoked by a tragic event is not something that just goes away. I will be living with this as part of my story for the rest of my life, whether I like it or not. The only thing I can do now is embrace what has happened and use it to help others the best as I can, and it starts with speaking out to stop the stigma associated with mental illness.
You Did Not Do Anything to Deserve This
Did I think that my miscarriage and my boyfriend leaving me was my own fault? I did. For a long time, I blamed myself forhe bad things that have happened in my life. I would replay “what ifs” in my head constantly. What if I took a different prenatal vitamin? What if I
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